What I Feel

Today, I would like to share a journal entry from a few weeks back that encapsulates everything.

Recently, I have been struggling a lot with my anxiety. I am unsure why it has been particularly severe lately. If you read my post from last month discussing the distinction between experiencing anxiety and having an anxiety disorder, you would understand that when I mention feeling unwell, it is not due to a cold or flu, but rather because my anxiety is physically affecting me. It has become extremely challenging for me to engage in any activities. It is a constant battle to motivate myself to get out of bed. All I desire is to sleep, as every time I rise, I am overwhelmed by thoughts of my responsibilities and tasks, which seem insurmountable. I simply wish to stay in bed and drift off to sleep. This sensation is distressing because it impacts my mood entirely. I want to feel happy, and I am capable of happiness, but taking action is incredibly difficult. When people invite me to do something, I have no choice but to decline. The chest pains, stomach aches, and headaches are unbearable. I do not feel inclined to explain the intricacies of my anxiety disorder to others. This prevailing mood has been draining, affecting not just my productivity at work, as I become stressed each time I sit at my desk, but also my interactions with my family, as I find it challenging to leave my bed. It is not a matter of being depressed, although it may sound like it; rather, I am avoiding dealing with the stress and pain that accompany it.